[Runemist34]

Sounds like you’ve reached a plateau!
They can be super difficult to get through sometimes. It seems like everything you’re trying to do is too hard, and everything you can do is too easy! You keep trying and trying, but the progress you’re so used to and have been enjoying just isn’t happening.
This happens to nearly anyone who does exercise- Olympic athletes, Distance runners, body builders, and hobbyists to any of these.
I’ve noticed that most people tout the idea of changing your routine! Take a little break from Pole, and try out some calisthenics instead! Do pushups, play on the children’s playgrounds, go for a run, take a bike ride, hit the gym! Anything!
If you want to stick with pole, you could even change up your style. For example, if you primarily play with tricks and just trying to increase strength, you could always challenge yourself to work on your flow, instead. See how many tricks you can string together, see if you can slow it all down super slow. If you dance on just static pole and you have the option, switch to spinning pole!
You can also take a week break, and allow your body to rest, if you feel that you’re just pushing too hard. This is often referred to as a “de-load” week, where you either cut your challenge down by half, or just don’t do it at all. Many people will just change what they do on the de-load week- if you regularly lift weights, you would instead switch to some cardio, like speedy bike riding. If you’re majorly into cardio, you can use the time to work out your muscles, help them to work harder and stronger, without working them for endurance.

But, you’ll get through it! You just need to learn what works for you, and keeps you feeling motivated.

[Runemist34]

A friend of mine had this problem too- she was running a pole studio here for a little while, along with a couple of other teachers, and none of them had any time to dance on their own! She was super strong because she did so much pole work… but none of it was really “for her,” it was pretty much all teaching. Anytime I got her to dance with me she would comment that she “Never does this anymore,” and would easily slip into teaching me something, because it seemed to be more comfortable for her.
It sounds like you have a really good plan, even if it is a little uncomfortable for you! Picking up some new instructors for your studio will be important! And, it’s good that you realize the importance and responsibility in teaching. Would it be possible for you to supervise a class that they teach for a bit, or have your friend do it? That way, you know that your students will be in good hands, and you can quickly (and discreetly) correct any blunders or missteps! I know that seems like more work, but maybe you could make it one of the classes you teach already- instead of adding more time to your schedule, you’ll be using the same time, but simply observing, rather than actively teaching.
In the end, it sounds like having more teachers for the studio will really benefit you!
Maybe you can also schedule your time for e-mails and phone calls. Yes, they need to be dealt with, but perhaps you could just say “I’ll do an hour each day, and that’s it!” Your time is precious! Does your friend help with e-mails and phone calls as well? Perhaps there’s a way for you to delegate some of those tasks! You could hire a part-time front desk person?

But, yeah, it sounds like you’ve reached burnout… I’ve been there, and I think lots of us have! It’s really hard, but don’t forget that you’ve taken on a big project… and you ARE doing it! That’s something to be proud of! You made it happen. Now, you just need to slowly and carefully step back a bit. 😉

[Runemist34]

What I’ve found is that the journey of self-discovery is HOW you make it in the world. I wouldn’t be able to work, or have the relationship I have, or anything else, without that self-discovery.
Yes, your family is counting on you… but you must also count on them!

[Runemist34]

Serzi, like I said, you aren’t often put in a place where you’re able to see it coming- that’s part of how objectification and sexual assault works. Usually, we only get a chance to react to what has already happened, rather than to act before it comes up.
Feeling a level of control, however, is something that permeates a larger part of life, and indicates (to me) some deeper issues that you may want to look into. I’m not saying that you’re “screwed up” or anything, because you aren’t! However, considering what has happened to you before, and the way you speak when you talk about these things, I think that dealing with these deeper problems will help you much more than simply diving into “I might as well be paid for being objectified.”
You clearly do not like being objectified. Would monetary compensation really make you feel better about it? Or would you prefer to feel more in control, more able to deal with these circumstances when they come up?
And then, when you DO feel more in control and capable, you could totally go try stripping out and see if it fits you anyways!
But, doing it because you don’t feel like you have any control over it… seems like money would be poor compensation for what you’re feeling.

[Runemist34]

Hey Lola!
I’m really sorry you’re having so much trouble. It sounds like you’ve reached a bit of a plateau, and that’s a tough spot to be in- it’s all too easy, or too hard, right?
I feel like, this time, you’re gonna have to find the passion straight from you! And, that can be kind of difficult, but also lots of fun!
Do you have any moves, or combos, that feel fun and maybe a little challenging? Do you have some moves you LOVE to do, that fit the bill for the difficulty? Or, are there some moves that are in the difficulty requirement that you’re working on now, that you could focus on, that you love to do?
Connecting with the things that you really enjoy about pole, and with the songs you love to do that to, I think, will help you form some choreography that you feel passionate about, and don’t get bored or unhappy with when you practice!
And, it’ll help you hone in on what you can do for your competition 😉

[Runemist34]

I do also agree with the others; stripping is a profession I have a lot of respect for! I know that I couldn’t do it (I’m super uncomfortable with random people touching me, or me touching them, and I’m not okay on stage yet, and I’m not good at hustling! lol!), but I think that people who can are amazing.
And, if you take a step back, look at how things are going, make some action plans for yourself to take your power back, and one of the things you try is stripping at a club, then cool! It’s always up to you 🙂

[Runemist34]

I think that going in the completely opposite direction of your comfort, “because life seems to be going that way,” is totally the wrong answer. You’re not being true to yourself in this one, you’re just grabbing at straws because you’re frustrated, afraid, and feeling out-of-control. I have done this, I’ve watched other people do it, and it never really ends well- it has not resulted in happiness, in either my experience, or in those that I observe.
So, my first thought is that you need to assess your working conditions. I’ve not had a “touching issue” when working any of my jobs, though some nonverbal use of contact has been done in order to let me know that someone is, for example, next to be, behind me, or under me when reaching into the safe. These kinds of contacts, for me, are fine because either of us may be speaking at the time, or otherwise occupied, and the easiest way to communicate is though touching. Sometimes, this can also be a “tap, tap” to say, “Please shift your hip away, you’re blocking where I need to be.” I’m also comfortable with this sort of contact.
However, being manhandled in a way that people would just move me around, would not be a comfortable sort of contact. Obviously, unwanted sexual contact is a complete no-no, but you know that already. In many cases, we are not often able to take pro-active action, and are only able to react to someone else’s actions (such as touching us in ways we don’t want).
So, What sorts of touching are you REALLY receiving? Where is your line drawn, what kinds of touching and from whom is okay? Are you feeling oversensitive to any kind of touching because of the previous issues you’ve had? Do you feel that you are frustrated with yourself, or with the actions of other people?
None of these things are bad things. If you’re feeling oversensitive to any kind of touching, that is simply where you are right now. You’ve had bad experiences, you’re scared or frustrated, you feel that there is danger… and your “line” is drawn much differently than other people’s. It’s not wrong, but being aware of it is important for your ability to communicate your needs.
If you’re frustrated with yourself, perhaps recognizing what the problem is, and realizing that there are reasons for your sensitivity, and that you may have to be gentle and easy with yourself will help. And, perhaps you will endeavor to change your behavior, and take a stronger look at what’s going on inside of you. Both of these options are fine, but they must be based in what you can do, and where you are in your journey.
My second thought is that you are in charge of your life- if things aren’t working, you need to seek change! We, as humans, are adverse to change and it can be very difficult. It’s similar to the problem of “Devil you know, devil you don’t.” When things change, or when we change things, we are moving toward the unknown, and that can be very uncomfortable and scary… but, sometimes it is necessary. We can adjust the change, we can set our intentions and move in directions we think would be best for us and for those around us.
It sounds like you’re under a lot of stress for being a major breadwinner in your family, as well as a mother. Is there someone else in your life that may be able to help you with this? Are they already helping in a monetary sense, but could perhaps change some behaviors in order to help you outside of the money problem? Or, do you need to drop some things (or people) in your life that are dragging you down, making things harder? All of these changes can be hard, difficult to ask for or admit to yourself, but sometimes analyzing them and realizing your needs is the hardest step.
Also, you must be in charge of yourself in your workplace. It can be very easy to feel helpless, victimized, in places like that. I’ve never really found a job at the minimum-wage range that makes you feel empowered. They want to keep you, and everyone else, down as much as possible. It’s manipulation, but you don’t need to accept it. Your actions, and the interactions you have with other people, are yours to control and create. If people are touching you in ways you don’t like, you need to be clear and forward with them and let them know they are overstepping your bounds.

Finally, I would also suggest counselling. It sounds like there may be some underlying stressors and problems that you’re dealing with, and if you’re feeling so frustrated, I would think that some extra help would be very useful to you. Talk to a doctor about it, or find some other avenues to get you some help- even temporary help can be extremely useful. I’ve had counselors change my life and my thinking in just one session.

Allowing yourself space and time to think, to look at how things are and how things aren’t working for you, is really important. I keep a journal for this purpose, and I would highly recommend it to literally everyone in the world.

Good luck

[Runemist34]

Doesn’t seem OCD to me at all! I made a list- I highlight the ones I’m working on, and can make notes, such as “I can only get this on dominant side,” and once I got them, I remove them from the list.
I think a spreadsheet is good!
I’ve also been thinking about adding in combo moves and challenges to my list, to push myself into more “dancing” and less “tricking.” 😉

[Runemist34]

Hi there!
It seems strange to me that you would get headaches or dizziness from bridges and backbends. Hair whipping can be dizzy-making if you’re doing it a lot, though.
Do you do a lot of spinning on the pole? Are you doing many inversions?
Factors that could affect these things would be things like breathing (whether you’re doing it or not during these moves- breathing is very important!), and how much water you drink throughout the day. I’ve found that drinking enough water, not just when I’m working out, but all through the day, and on rest days!
Other things are how recently you started these moves, and how much you’re pushing yourself. Our bodies take time to figure out the inversion and spinning movements, and for some people, it can even take months.

[Runemist34]

That’s a good question! I think that you could, and maybe line up your rest days?

[Runemist34]

Which second clip do you mean, Veena? The lesson?

[Runemist34]

Also, while practicing, very important to keep your head in the game. I find focusing on breathing to be super beneficial- slow, controlled, and deep. No hyperventilating!
Visualization can also be a giant boon, in which you picture yourself doing it easily and well. Picture yourself getting out of your trouble-spots easily, and tell yourself “That’s okay, I can get out of it just fine!”

[Runemist34]

Yes. I also have a mental barrier with this- mostly, with being upside down. Specifically with any kind of hand/forearm/elbow stand, as well, but having my hips above my head is particularly upsetting to my anxiety.
For this, I have chosen to take things slowly, and do the best that I can. I am working on more strength moves, as well as working on strength in my shoulders and back. My mental block is mainly around the belief that I am “not strong enough,” and the extra strength that I gain from this work will, hopefully, make the attempt easier when I start.
Next, I intend to start getting myself used to the sensation by having my legs braced upon something, while getting myself into an appropriate position with hips above head. This can be difficult, because my hamstrings are very tight… but they are definitely getting looser as I work.
I’m going to be trying to “hang out” in that position as long as I can handle it, so that my fear begins to ease. It’s a form of conditioning for anxiety and phobias, and I’ve found it really useful.
Eventually, I’ll start on the ground and get into “kicking” my legs up, until I can reach the pole.
Other ways of doing this, if you’re not too bad with actual upside-down-ness, is going into it from an inverted crucifix. This move is pretty scary for me (it’s basically all the things I fear with pole dancing and my perceived lack of strength), but it has taught me a lot about getting into a handstand, and that I may actually be just dealing with fears, rather than actual physical issues.

Just take it slow, work your way up. Break it down whatever way you can, into as small of increments as you need to. 🙂

[Runemist34]

Poleisnewtome- then you create distance. Whether that be physical or contact distance (where you don’t really talk to or interact with the person unless you NEED to), or in a more difficult situation, emotional distance. That can be pretty hard to keep up, but really… it is something that is possible. Eventually, they won’t bother you anymore. You don’t need to be involved with their life, their stuff, and their judgement or comparison.

[Runemist34]

Woo! I’ll be watching this one often! I’d like to start posting my own dances… but, I’m not quite there yet! Soon, hopefully!
Thank you Webby!!