[Runemist34]

Hey Deb5600! I am, unfortunately, not a classically trained dancer of any kind. I’d love to take some dance classes, but the closest I got to them has been Pole and Belly dancing, and neither of those counted during music.
I am trying to learn to read music, as I slowly (very slowly!) learn to play my harp, but unfortunately most of those terms are beyond me. I know what staccato is! lol
I *think* that I understand your meaning, but… It’s not quite how I understand or relate to music.

[Runemist34]

Just wanted to update: First attempt was a HUGE success! I tried the one Sparrow posted (the body scan) and it was great! Good music and some particular focus on parts of the body did me a WORLD of good. It was less super-sexy and more just exploring movement, but… I think the two go hand in hand. I’m still discovering my “voice” with dancing.
Thanks everyone!

[Runemist34]

So, talking about the importance of music when dancing sexy, or even just slowly…
I came across this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBFP3aZWNJI

Not only do I consider this a fantastic dance, but I LOVE the music! How shameful for me, that I like dubstep to dance to 😛 Normally I haaate dubstep, but I think if it’s slow and dirty like this, it’s perfect. I’m going to be hunting for more from now on.
Looking through more of the challenges, I totally agree with you, Sparrow! They can be done by those of a less-advanced skill. I’ll be working on them as much as I can! It should be a great challenge for me, and get me out of my usual routine.

[Runemist34]

Wow, that was amazing! I’m really impressed! And, what a fantastic idea for helping you get into your body and pay attention to what can be done… especially with those body parts you don’t usually think of, like wrists and lower back. I’ll be keeping that one in mind for sure! Thanks Sparrow!

[Runemist34]

Ahh, I’ve been wanting to do Finding your Freestyle, but I always feel like pole challenges are for people way more advanced than I am! But, I’ll take a look, and see if I can either modify some of their ideas, or actually do them 😉
I’m so rarely “in the zone” when it comes to dancing! Writing, I can practically conjure “the zone” at will, whenever I want. But, dancing? It’s like I’m asking for the stars to come visiting! Impossible!
I’ll get there, though 🙂 Thank you for your advice!!

[Runemist34]

There are a few on Youtube, but the lessons aren’t exactly “in depth,” nor are most of them for beginners. Some pole moves that look very easy (especially when done by professional pole dancers) can seriously injure you if done wrong, without the correct positioning of, say, a shoulder or a foot. In many ways, conditioning is very key for pole dancing. You can condition by doing certain pole moves in order to prepare for others, which is certainly a great option, but you MUST know which muscles to engage during the move in order to get the most out of the move.

The very best I can recommend are Veena’s lessons, here on this site. They’ve helped me out a lot, and are about $100 per year… though, there are always sale times where you can get them for less!

[Runemist34]

Wow, thanks everyone!
Sparrow, it sounds like you’re describing a kind of “moving meditation,” focusing on even the smallest movements, taking it super slow. It might help me to think of it that way!
Also, “You wouldn’t dance fast to a slow song, right?” Umm… you’d be surprised.
I find music that I think is still interesting, but slow enough to cause me to slow down… and, well, that doesn’t really happen! I still end up too fast for my own taste! I have something of a distaste for super slow music (and especially sad music) because I can’t seem to get into it. I think I do have to listen to that ‘undercurrent,’ and when I’m thinking about it, I can find it… but rarely do I actually listen to it when I’m dancing.
Suppose I’m just stubborn.
Have there been any particular movements, or challenges that people set for themselves to get into their “flow,” for dancing slow?

[Runemist34]

Wow, I couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been. I am so sorry that this has happened, and that there is little to do now than wait… I think that makes things harder, sometimes.
I hope that you keep taking care of yourself during this time. I know you probably don’t feel like it, but it may help you in more ways than just feeling hungry, or unclean (I tend not to shower or eat when I’m really unhappy).
We’re here for you! And, I hope her passing is simple, quick, and painless.

[Runemist34]

I feel like I should weigh in here.
I have been dancing for 6 years now, and can barely do a basic invert. I spend hugely long hours trying to conquer one move, and not just because of a lack of strength or misunderstanding as to how my body works (which are both factors, let me assure you), but because of fear.
Fear means that I would rather completely avoid the inverted crucifix because it makes me afraid of falling, and of being upside down. Fear means that I don’t want to push myself too hard, because I’ve been injured. Fear means that I don’t trust my body when it comes to elbow/hand/head stands.

Now, I’m not saying that this is your issue. What I AM saying is that everyone has their challenges! Some people can invert within six weeks of starting their pole dancing, but can’t figure out how to do a carousel spin. Some people can do a knee hold without feeling pain, but can’t seem to invert for the life of them. Some people get tricks like they’re nothing, but can’t make an actual dance out of them, or connect to music.

Your progress is YOUR progress. It’s all yours, and you fought hard for it. You worked for it. You made your progress real.
Getting it slower than someone else doesn’t mean it is worth less. It doesn’t mean you worked less than anyone else, or you slacked off somehow.
The idea of “should have this move in ___ time” is comparing your progress to someone else, and you need to know: Your progress is INCOMPARABLE to anyone else’s! Your progress is all yours, and you learned things that perhaps someone else didn’t.

Which also means that maybe you have something else to learn within these moves that other people do not. If you keep trying, you’ll figure it out. This is the nature of humans.

I will also say this: Tell yourself you’re awesome, and that you WILL learn the things you don’t know yet. Instead of “I’m horrible at dancing,” or “Maybe it’s my size,” what about “I will learn how to dance!” or “My size is what it is, and I can already do amazing moves!”

You ladies are doing great, and don’t you forget it! Just by taking on the challenge, looking at something and saying “Yes, I will learn to do that!” you’ve taken a massive step forward. By continuing in the face of challenge, and of disappointment and perhaps frustration, you’re showing just how amazing and willful you are.

[Runemist34]

Unfortunately, climbing on bone is fairly common, so that’s kind of the way most of us do it- on the shin.
Lots of people tend to flex their foot, creating a “lock” in the crook of the ankle on the outside, so that you can push a little harder into your shin. It doesn’t look great, but it does sort of keep the foot out of the way of the pole itself!
When I started climbing, it did hurt like heck on the shin bone. It does still hurt, sometimes, but at this point it’s manageable.
I’d say… try to train yourself toward using your leg, rather than your foot, for climbing. I know it hurts, but hopefully it’s better than tearing your skin, and you’ll get used to it (in that it will stop hurting) eventually.

[Runemist34]

I also do not have a picture of my current space, but it’s quite small, and vaguely rectangular. With my bed so close, and the wall on the other side, I really have to consider which way I’m starting and ending my moves- and, for spins, I can rarely fully extend.

I’ve had other weird, and less-than-ideal spaces for my pole, though. One in the kitchen, where I had to move the table and all the chairs in order to have ANY space to dance. The lino floor was also an issue- too grippy, hurt my feet, I had to get little pads for them! One was in the “computer room,” where all of everyone’s computers were, and that was fairly cramped (and a little awkward, if I wanted to dance and someone wanted to do some work on the internet). Once I had my pole in my parents basement, when I lived there, and it was COLD and I had a couch to contend with, right next to me. Again, had to learn not to extend my spins.

One day, though… I’ll have a proper pole space. Nice hardwood floors, lots of room, mirrors and heating, and enough space to actually set up a camera so I can put up videos!!

[Runemist34]

Ooh, thanks Cherished! I hadn’t actually connected it to the corkscrew spin! The first one you posted is definitely what I’m looking for.
I love Aerial Amy’s tips, and I’ll keep working on it! I know there’s a tutorial for that spin here by Veena, too.
Now, I just have to figure out how to do it without banging my boob on the pole… and changing up my hand position, when I’m ready!
Thank you!

[Runemist34]

Haha, the first time I saw these kinds of spins I thought they MUST be on a spinning pole… but, nope! The majority of them have been on static poles, so, that’s why I’m so curious!

[Runemist34]

I love it, too! And, as far as I know, yes- static pole. I want to learn it sooo muuuch!!

[Runemist34]

While certainly not meaning to take away from Chem’s question (because it is very valid and should be something to think about), I feel that I need to do some defense-work.

First of all, while you say “I don’t have a problem with this happening,” you HAVE just written an entire post about it, and you ALSO called it demeaning, so… I would say that, yes, you have a problem with it.
Now, the fact that you have a problem with it is PERFECTLY OKAY. I just want to put that out there: Your opinion of these things is YOUR opinion, and absolutely okay. I am, in no way, intending to tell you that you should change your mind, or suddenly change your feelings about these sorts of happenings. Your feelings are yours, and that’s how it should be.
However, I would like to talk about the “demeaning” part. To say that giving someone a lapdance is “demeaning” is similar to saying that I am being demeaned by my action of making my boyfriend a sandwich.
However, the fact that I am making him food, and fulfilling a very old ritual associated with a time in which women were considered useful objects, does not automatically mean that those are the reasons for which I am performing the action. How my relationship looks in that moment does not display the entirety of it- and, nor does one lapdance display the full breadth and depth of a person’s emotional well-being, their feelings about the lapdance, or the reasons behind it.

What I am trying to say is this: Demeaning depends on how the person who is doing the action feels about the action itself. If she felt she was lowering herself, doing something she would not normally do, but felt like she HAD to, or generally doing something she felt was demeaning, then it IS demeaning.

I also would like to point out that this may be her preferred form of art. She’s teaching it as an art form, and her many reasons for doing so likely have nothing with the fact that she is wanting to “demean women.” Quite the contrary, I’m sure. If a person would like to add sexuality to their form of art, whether it be turning pole dancing into strip tease, or chair dancing into a lapdance, is THEIR choice. And, you can certainly choose not to participate!

I recall a certain school in the UK saying that they would not allow a pole dancing club because “Women had been tricked into believing it was empowering.” We all know that this is incorrect: We feel that it is empowering, and so it IS empowering. We cannot be “tricked into it,” we feel that way, and so it is.

As I said, the fact that YOU do not like it is completely valid. You don’t like it, and perhaps you could have left the room, or filed a complaint, or taken other actions. But, it would be because YOU did not enjoy seeing it, not because SHE felt demeaned by performing a lapdance.

Obviously, if your friend was upset about her boyfriend receiving a lapdance from someone he did not know, that is something for her to discuss with him, as well as the studio.