[Runemist34]

Often this is just an issue with how hard you grip. I didn’t know HOW anyone could spin with little shorts on for SO long, and now… I’m spinning with little shorts on, with a much grippier pole than I used to have!
I think that learning just the right amount of pressure to put on the pole with your legs and hands is the key. Far better to learn this and be able to transition from spin into a climb or more of a “sticky” move than to have to rely on using powders or whatever else.

But, in the beginning, I wore capri pants. Those worked really well, because I still had most of my lower leg to do grip work, and I had everything else without grip at all. When I wanted to do anything that needed my thighs, I just changed.

[Runemist34]

Some people have a really difficult time learning things on their non-dominant side! Similar to my attempts in staff spinning, doing things with your dominant hand just seems to make sense… but when you try the other side, suddenly you feel like you have to re-learn it all over again!
And, in some ways, you do. Unless you’re naturally ambidextrous, learning physical skills on your non-dominant side is going to be very new, and sometimes very difficult. You’re teaching your body how to do something “backwards.” This can be frustrating, but is ultimately rewarding! Just remember that it will feel wrong, or strange, or abnormal, or just plain hard for a lot of the time, till you’re really used to it.

Strength will come. Seriously, I struggled with the basic invert off-and-on for about five years. I know of no one else who has fought with it that long! So I’m sure you’ll get it 🙂

[Runemist34]

I suspect that, if it’s pushing through the ceiling, you may not have found a solid part of the ceiling. You really need to locate a joist for your pole to push against, and so that it is really solid when you’re dancing on it!

[Runemist34]

I totally know what you’re going through- I have a fear of being upside down, unfortunately, and any inverted time is a struggle for me. I prefer certain holds over others because they feel more secure, and I struggle even to strengthen the right muscles by inverting and holding.
What I’ve found helpful is going slowly, and trying to be very aware of how my body feels, what it’s like. It allows me to watch my breathing, to control my emotional response, and to really look at what’s happening, and figure out if my fear is too much, or manageable for me to continue. This also means that I can exit the move if I need to, and try again later.
I know that the EFT technique, or Tapping, has been very useful for a lot of people. I think of it similarly to EMDR, which brings in both sides of the brain through things like eye movement back and forth, sound on both sides, or tapping both sides of the body (such as the knees). It’s not exactly the same, but it can be similar in effect: You’ll find yourself less afraid, inexplicably, without being exactly able to explain why.

With a traumatic event such as yours, though, I might also suggest counselling, as there may be some other things you can deal with cognitively, that may hold you back a lot stronger than a physical response. But, you’ll have to determine that for yourself! You may not find it so difficult to get through the fear once you actually go for the attack.

[Runemist34]

Hi there!
Happy to hear you’re picking pole up again- hard to believe it’s been around for over 10 years now!
Personally, I haven’t found pole to be particularly good for cardio. I’ve picked up running since April and that’s been my cardio workout, but I also still pole because I love to do it.
I’m sure some of the other ladies around here would have more ideas on that one.
I do want to say this, though: You may not “lose weight,” but you may lose some size. I’ve seen it several times here on the forum, the “I started losing weight, but now I’m getting heavier again?” This, of course, is in relation to the number the scale will give you. This is because you can have a very small amount of muscle weigh the same as a much larger amount of fat- the physical size it takes up on our bodies has little to do with how much it actually weighs.
Thus, if you start to lose fat and gain muscle, you may find that the scale begins to lie to you. Especially considering the scale number has nothing to do with your actual health.
I’ve also found this to be true, as I was about 165 lbs before running, and have gone up to about 190 lbs, though I have lost some size in some areas (my calves are a whole lot bigger, though!).

I hope that you enjoy your re-entry into pole, and that you find the forum just as amazing as I have!

[Runemist34]

I’ve got a lil mynx and used my pole on all of these surfaces and more! Most poles just crush the stucco a little bit and that’s it. Any that go right into the ceiling via a bolt, the hole is easily covered with some spackle or whatever.

[Runemist34]

Hi there!
I feel that it’s important to point out that, with a pole sit, you are NOT trying to cross your thighs the way you do when sitting on the couch. With the pole in between your legs, there is no way to get your thighs themselves to cross- you’d have to have some broken bones to accomplish it!
That said, in many ways it can LOOK the same, because of the technique Veena does (by dropping one hip downward to create a lock) and the wonderful optical illusions that are our bodies.
In reality, we are crossing down at our knees at the highest, and for some of us, we cross at the ankles and just squeeze REALLY hard! This is mostly due to how our hips, thigh bones, and thigh muscles work together and are put together… each body has it’s preference.
And, for the wrist sit, there are a few really good threads to search up on the forum for tips! I struggled a lot with this move for quite a while, and found those tips super useful. I would say, though, that the wrist sit is a difficult move and can be pretty harsh on your lower hand if you’re not used to the body position needed before taking your legs away from the pole, and if you’re not used to the push/pull necessary with your arms to keep your weight off your wrist.
The moves Lucca listed, like planks and laybacks (such as the cross knee release or the cross ankle release) are super useful to learn, and I did many of those before I touched the wrist sit.
I don’t know where you are in your pole journey for those moves in particular, but they can really help you get used to leaning back and understanding the see-saw effect that is required in a wrist sit.

Hope this helps! Keep at it!

[Runemist34]

Hi there! Hope that you enjoy it here, and share with us your pole dancing journey 🙂 I’ve found the help and support here to be phenomenal, and Veena’s lessons are just as fantastic. I don’t have a studio in my city now, so this is all I’ve had for a while! Still getting through it though!

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
What I’m getting from your post is that, when you try to do a pole sit, you find that it either hurts quite a lot, or you slide down.
Unfortunately, pain is a part of pole dancing, and for many of us the pole sit is our first introduction to the pain of gripping the pole in a sensitive place.
The issue of sliding, however, can be corrected in a number of ways! Certain leg or hip positions, such as leaning one hip down toward the ground, and putting your feet toward the opposite direction, can help to create a “lock” so that you can get used to the hold.
For something like the crucifix, which you mentioned, it can also be somewhat painful, but the hold itself is a bit different. You’re holding a lot more with your lower legs, such as your shin and your calf. This move can actually be used as an advancement from a squat, if you so choose, due to the difference in hold. However, you have to really concentrate on squeezing hard with your hold.

Things like a warm pole, and a warm (but not sweaty) body can also help with your staying on the pole, of course.

Hope this helps!

[Runemist34]

Hi Layesh,
I’m really sorry to hear that this has happened, and that you’re having to struggle so much. I’ve had my own marriage fail because he “fell in love with someone else,” and things became complicated for about six months after that- during part of that time, I definitely had a lot of these issues, such as imagining them together, and feeling very hurt and angry, and confused.
I have to ask… how did you find out that he slept with this person? If he confessed, do you know why it took him so long to do so? How does he feel about your relationship, and about why he felt he could sleep with this other person?
In other words… have you sat down and had a serious conversation with him about it? Having more information might help you to become less confused. Especially knowing what’s going on in his mind about your relationship, and why something like that happened, may take the decision-making for your future out of your hands. As hard as it is to deal with for so many of us, it takes two to tango, and if he’s not on-board, you’re both going to have to deal with the consequences.
However, if you find that he has no issues with how things are right now, there are clearly issues on YOUR end, and they MUST be dealt with. Please, NEVER think that your needs, issues, and expectations are any less important than anyone else’s in your life, including your children or your partner. If you aren’t getting what you require, and you simply roll over and take it… well, that sends a message to you, and all the people around you, and it is a lie. You are SUPER IMPORTANT and NO ONE should EVER say any different. EVER. If they do, you’re going to have to seriously re-evaluate why you’re around that person, and whether what they contribute is really worth you being put down and insulted that way.

I realize that forging ahead and being on your own, with two children, is terrifying, but I think that the main thing you must keep in mind is YOU. There are so many ways for a single mother to get along in the world, and part of that may be something like joint custody- that way, you are not needing to raise your children alone, or pay for them alone. There are options, and you must remember that.

Anyways, for the more immediate problem, there are a couple of routes to go: Staying with him and trying to re-establish trust, or deciding that this is a dealbreaker and cutting things off. Obviously both come with their positives and negatives.
If you wish to try to stay with him, think long and hard about what you need to trust him. Many people go on the route of “Big Brother” and want constant check-ins, and want their partner not to talk to anyone of the opposite gender. This is generally because of the lack of trust, and it tends to put huge strain on the relationship, and the children. This isn’t what we want! You want to be able to have him go out in the world, and trust that he will NEVER do this again. And, it’s you that must figure out if that trust is possible to regain, and how it might be done.

Again, I must reiterate: This is something serious. You are completely validated in being hurt, in needing to be taken seriously, and in having your needs met. It doesn’t matter what kinds of excuses are given, if he was drunk or high, or if he “just wasn’t thinking,” or whatever. He made direct choices that lead him to what he did, and if he didn’t think of you and his children, well… that also sends a particular message. That’s a big reason why it hurts, among many others.

I found journaling to be extremely helpful in times of this nature, and continue to find it useful. It helps me figure out how I really feel about certain issues, and figure out the things I need, and it helps me to feel grounded and established in myself.

Good luck, and don’t be afraid to reach out. The people here are amazing. Send me a message if you want to talk more privately, or anything else.

[Runemist34]

I agree with Phoenix hunter: Mix it up! I have a few different DVDs, but I don’t really use them… mostly because I just don’t seem to get enough time in each position to really feel like I’m increasing my flexibility when I’m using someone else’s methods. I suppose once in position, I could just pause it! Haha
I know that, for me, it takes a while to relax. Warm up and other training aside, I have to really think about relaxing, releasing, and proper form while I’m doing any flexibility training. It’s helped me out a lot, and I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a struggle!
On the topic of injured hamstrings… I, too, know what this feels like. I don’t THINK I actually tore it, but I don’t know- never went to the doctor! I do know this: I screwed it up, and it got tighter and tighter till it would just hurt, all the time, a sort of dull pain that I just couldn’t shake. I didn’t like that at all!

Knowing your “stretching limit” is so super key. You should never feel actual pain! I know there are some people of the notion that you push as hard and as far as you possibly can, but I really don’t agree with this. Your limit could be the difference between a shift of weight, a quarter inch, the flexing of your toes. This is the very best time to increase your body awareness!

[Runemist34]

I’ve spent most of my time doing home-pole, and I’ve had a few setbacks, where I’ve made progress and then been off the pole for several months. I know that I have difficulties sticking with stuff like this, but I’m starting to figure out where the difference lies, for me, between doing something in a class (and being able to have that time), and doing something on your own.
So, first of all, come up with a plan for your workouts- I call it my “I don’t feel like dancing” plan. Because, when you go to class, they always have something for you to work on! It’s not always freestyle. It’s not always even dancing. My experience was mainly dealing with one move at a time while in class, so I’ve tried to work things that way. I alternate core workouts and arm workouts, and I have a couple that I’ve already picked out that are either light, or harder, depending on how motivated to kick my own rear I am that day.
Next, setting time aside. I’m pretty bad for this (in fact, I need to get on the pole today and just procrastinated, playing video games and eating junk food all day!) and sometimes I just “forget,” or I push my dancing aside for other things- hanging out with friends, work, homework, or just lazing around. HOWEVER, I have found that having the time set aside each day, even if that time “moves around” and is at 1pm some days, and 7pm other days, you still have it. You know that you do. It’s important to you!
The last one, which is related to setting time aside, is this: Remind yourself that you WANT to, and that you promised! Having a class is something most people seem to “respect” because it’s time already set aside, that you PAID for, and is fixed due to someone else’s schedule, so they normally won’t interfere with it, and we don’t feel guilty about saying that the time is already booked. However, when it’s our OWN time, that we haven’t paid for and technically have a say in whether we move it around, we feel more guilty, and sometimes there is more pressure to put it aside for other people, other things. However, you WANT to do it and you PROMISED!! You must make your dancing time a priority, or else you just won’t get there.

Having a loss of strength is very frustrating, and having gone through that a couple of times, I really do understand how disheartening it can be. However, that strength will return, sometimes much faster than when you originally built it, and you still have the knowledge, which will help you out a lot.

And, as Veena hinted at, I have one dirty trick I use for running (because I actually find running to sometimes be torture and I don’t want to do it, especially in the morning, which is the best time for me to do it), and it’s that I’m not allowed to shower till I’ve had my run! I can barely function in the day without my shower- my hair is a mess, I feel dirty, half-asleep, and gross. My morning shower is a huge part of my routine, so barring that from myself till I go for a run is a pretty big motivator. But, like I said, it’s a dirty trick.

Good luck!

[Runemist34]

Oh, I should point this out though: A common misconception around waxing is that it results in an “always smooth” waxed area, and it does not. In order for you to wax again, the hair MUST grow out a significant amount, much more than you would grow it out before shaving. Eventually, the hope is that the hair would grow less, and I know that it can become sort of “patchy” and thin after waxing several times, making it easier to deal with and less to wax, but… that takes a while!
Personally, I prefer shaving as it hurts less, and I have more control over what I use and how my skin feels.

[Runemist34]

I can’t imagine waxing that area for men would be very much different than it is for women. Mainly, I would suggest finding a professional that is comfortable working with men. I’m sure you could call around to a few spas or aestheticians in your area and ask if they would be willing.
I mean, drag queens must figure out how to get waxed, or how to wax themselves, so why not straight men as well?

[Runemist34]

It sounds to me like you got a robot to answer you, and that you need to press the issue further. I didn’t see anything that didn’t meet their guidelines- you are not posting “before and after” images, simply Veena teaching and being who she is, in exactly the shape she is. Unexpected results are certainly not present here, either. And finally, showing a certain type of body weight as being either perfect or undesireable is nothing like what you posted, and nothing like what you guys have EVER posted. So that’s all a moot point.
SO, I would push it. I don’t think an actual human answered your inquiry, but just in case… respond, contest, push back.