Runemist34
Forum Replies Created
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One of the biggest pieces of advice I ever received when it came to art… don't look at it immediately after it's done! Give it a week. A month. However long it takes!
When you look at your video right away after making it, I think you're still so attached to the dancing itself that, when you critisize, you're really hurting yourself. You can't look at it in a clear and unbiased way. Your criticism hurts you more than it helps, and you'll feel hopeless, sad and unmotivated the next time… because you'll know that your "reward" for your effort will be a bunch of "I didn't do that right!"So let those videos sit a bit. Give yourself a backlog, dance like you're perfect, and DON'T look at those videos for a while! Allow yourself the happy afterglow of a good workout.
Looking at how your flexibility is going every day may not be so good, either. I've noticed that, for me, I tend to get very discouraged looking at my flexibility every day. I don't progress very quickly, as I'm not used to being flexible… so, I'm trying not to measure it, just to enjoy it (not my favourite part of the workout, if I'm honest) and let it come.
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Honestly, it's very strong of you to be able to come and say that you were upset and perhaps exaggerated slightly. I am very happy that you feel that way toward your man, and I'm also very happy that you're seeking help, because it shows that you both are commited and want it to work!
Also, your cupcake delivery service sounds awesome. I wish I lived closer to you 😉 -
Glitter, I am SO happy that you guys have talked, and are seeking counselling! I have so much hope for you and your man!
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Glitter, I am so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this kind of thing. I know that when my marriage was breaking down (this time last year, actually) it was terrifying. I'd been with him for 6 years, married for 3, and living with him in another town, three hours drive away from my family and support system.
That said, I may have a somewhat biased view of relationships, but… I think we all do.
On the topic of arguments, I don't agree that "I was angry" was or is any kind of excuse for swearing or yelling or being cruel. I used to get "I wouldn't fight so hard if I didn't care a lot," and I accepted it because… well, hey, it SEEMED reasonable! But, outside of the relationship, I look back and think NO, if he REALLY cared, he would have kept a level head and tried to argue his point rationally, so that we could both come to some sort of conclusion. If he was really so concerned about me, he would try to argue his point in a way that did, in fact, seem rational and be easier to understand, instead of yelling and swearing and shutting me down.
I found a "Cracked.com" article about it once, and while they may be all about the jokes sometimes, this was a really good one for me to read. It talked about taking breaks when things "got real" such as when people were getting seriously angry, swearing or being condescending. It also talked about arguing with a goal in mind- what are you trying to accomplish with the conversation? That sort of thing.
Getting married is a huge step, and something I think a lot of people don't realize is that it's still a relationship, and it still needs to be maintained, worked on, and kept up. It's not "in stasis," it can die. It's just the same as your relationship right now, except that you've both proclaimed to the world (and, if you're into that, to God) that you will stay with each other for as long as you live, and that you believe your relationship can weather ANYTHING. And that is my belief for marriage. Both people have to agree on their marriage commitment before it can work.
There is a lot of great advice here, but I think the main one is best: You guys have to sit down and talk. Have a conversation about the big, deep things, the touchy things. Without arguing, or without yelling and name-calling. It's very important to be able to be "intimate" in ways other than the physical. Mental and emotional intimacy is amazing, fulfilling, and very important.
I have a lot of hope for you, Glitter. I want you to be happy, and to be ALL YOU, as much YOU as you can be! You're totally worth fighting for.
Also, yeah… you may want to think about moving out of your parents house. I totally understand having a rent-free place to fall back on, but the independance may help with both your relationship, and for you to create your own philosophies, understandings, and boundaries in the world. I seriously love my Mum, and she is always in my life, I see her at least once a week… but living in her house is something I prefer not to do anymore. I like having my own place to play with!
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Totally couldn't touch my toes for most of my life! I'm also in the "long legged, short torso" boat, but that doesn't stop me from trying! I'm pretty close to touching my toes, and if I kept up with the stretching, I would be there… but, y'know, motivation and all that 😛 Stretching is not one of my favourite activities! Perhaps if I saw greater results, I'd be happier… but such is life.
I'm gonna keep up with it, though!
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I have had a Lil Mynx stainless steel stationary for about four and a half years, and it's been my only pole. I love it. I'm planning on upgrading it to a rotator (apparently they're coming up with some kind of kit) so, that should be fun!
I've found that the ceiling thing will crunch into stucco ceiling a bit, but you can just fill it in with Polyfilla, and you're fine 🙂 The Joists have never had an issue!
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Well, first, I would ask: What is your flooring, and are you dancing in shoes, or barefoot? All of these things come into play, I find, when I'm dancing!
And, as for gaining more control… for me, it came with a lot of practice. At first, I would get all tangled up because I couldn't figure out which way to turn, and then someone told me the "smell your armpit" trick, and it made a little more sense.Going slow is usually better than falling over, but I'll tell you… I fall over sometimes, regardless as to whether I'm going slowly or not! I always manage to catch myself, but occasionally something will go wrong, as it inevitably does when you do something so often.
Try to allow your toes to turn on the floor, stay up on the balls of your feet, and keep at least one hand on the pole. Those are generally my tricks. If you're trying to do it with one leg up, then you definitely have to be able to turn on the balls of your feet!
Also, try to pick a "landing point," because that helps me for hand placement a lot. If I'm going for a pirouette so that my back lands on the pole and I can lean on it, then I often catch the pole with my other hand behind my back, sort of like a reverse grab. If I'm doing a full turn straight into walking, I try to grip the pole in my regular grip as soon as possible- in case I lose balance, it won't really look like it, because I can hang on to the pole! -
Wow, she really did well! And, first transition into the Knee hold that actually looked totally natural (that I've seen, anyways)!
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It looks about the same as the Oona split- she goes into it after she switches her hands a bit, actually.
I don't know if that kind of pole mount has a name, though. -
Tell them that if you do a trick on the pole for them, they'll have to do something on the pole for you! You either don't have to do it, or you get some fun laughs and everyone settles down 🙂
Otherwise, you can tell them something like what Saphyre said, that you don't generally want to injure yourself by doing something strenuous without warming up.Showing off certainly can be fun, and I'm always wanting to introduce more and more people to my pole- girls I know, guys that come over, anyone! I'll show them basic moves, and see if they want to try. People are often fascinated that it's even in my home, let alone that I can do things with it.
But, like I said, after a trick or two, people generally settle down and go back to normal conversation.
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Well, there are many DVD's out there that you can try, and Veena has some on the website if you get a subscription. The subscription is actually a really good option, since you get a lot more than just routines for it, and it's updated often.
The trick is that tricks can be… well, tricky. You need a certain about of strength and practice with just that trick, usually, before you put it into a routine. For example, do you know how to do a pole sit? Do you know how to make sure you don't slip, or how to get into and out of it? It can be a tricky thing for some people. Moves need to be practiced, both in the routine, and out of the context of a routine.
But yes, Veena has some. Most DVD's will find a way to put moves into a routine for you, such as Jamilla, who does a mini-routine every few moves just to show you how to put them in a sequence. The sequence is definitely just a suggestion though.
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Veena does have some choreography to help the transition from Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced.
Otherwise, some of the ladies here enjoy their choreography, and some prefer freestyle.Was there something in particular you were looking for? I know there are a few routines posted on Youtube that you could also look up.
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Hmm, the top of your thigh? Normally the only thing that really grips when I do a pole sit is the inner thighs. Are you maybe twisting your legs inward very far? Also, if you tense your muscles, it tends to hurt a little less.
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The cross knee release was my first transition to inverting, and it's still my go-to when I want to get upside down!
If you can do a pole sit, this one shouldn't hurt too much.
Some people like to have the foot of their bent leg resting on the knee of the straightened leg, but I don't. I bring my foot as far up to my hip as possible, because it feels far more secure for me that way. Much of your weight is going to be resisting just below your bent knee, which is where it may hurt the worst. It's a pretty sensistive area for a while!
Straightening your other leg (usually that is my left leg, as I am right-side-dominant) helps to make sure your bent leg stays where it is supposed to. It provides the counter to the weight of your upper body.
Generally, I prefer to go into CKR after a basic plank- straighten legs into the plank, then bend my right leg, and then drop back slowly.
It can also help to grab on to the foot of your bent leg. I find this occasionally provides a little more stability if I'm feeling a bit weaker that day.
I understand the frustration of pain- honestly, I find that it's usually an adjustment problem. You have to figure out exactly the right placement of the pole between your legs and on your knee in order for it to hurt less. I even found this with learning the Teddy! The right placement made all the difference (from horrible pain that I couldn't stand, to barely any pain at all)
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I've got a similar issue with doing a squat- I can't seem to figure out how to just sit down without falling over! So, I use my pole. Hold on to that at about chest height, stand good and close to your pole, and then sit. Your arms can help you from falling over, and you don't need to use them much for that, so it's still a "squat" with all of the benefits. I've also seen a pole climb plus squat that looks pretty brutal- you climb up, grip real good with your lower legs, and perform the squat from up on the pole. It works a lot of muscles!
Otherwise, if you're doing a lot of running, I'd say you're well on track for your goal of a fancy behind! As I said in the "wobby bits" thread, we don't have any real say when it comes to where our bodies decide to store fat. That might just be where your body thinks is best. Toning and strengthening the glutes and thigh muscles is awesome, but not a guarantee of de-fatting!