Runemist34
Forum Replies Created
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No one should ever be swearing at you, or getting angry at you, because you learn the way you learn. You aren’t “slow,” just as no one else is. You aren’t annoying because you’re a newbie- that’s the whole point of being new to something! To ask questions and to learn, to struggle and be bad at it! No one gets it their first go, no one is perfect at anything their first time.
I’m sorry you had that experience. I would have been very upset. -
Hey! Good to see you back!
Most polers with dry skin actually time their lotion application for when they are sure they aren’t going to be poling. It can be uncomfortable to step out of your morning shower and not apply any lotion, but you can always do it in the evening, so that it doesn’t get in the way of your needing skin grip.
I also use Aveeno, but if I had the money to afford that much lotion, I would go for Lush. They have very good, naturally made stuff, and it works really well for me (though I’ve not tried it before poling!). Unfortunately, I need a lot to cover my legs, so… it gets pricey! Maybe one day 😉
I took a look at the Pole Physics lotion- it looks good, but I understand that you would like to see the ingredients, in case you’re trying to avoid something specific. Have you considered e-mailing them to ask? -
I’m so sorry that you went through this. I agree with Serzi- I would raise hell, ask for my money back, and an apology, a promise that they are going to evaluate their instructors less for their pole dance prowess, and more for their ability to instruct. Because they aren’t dancing, they are instructing.
As for your own emotions, feel free to take a step back, and rest. Make it a few days, a week or two, and find the thing that you love about pole again. Watch some videos that you love- heck, watch some videos of yourself and your growth, if you have them around.
Your self-esteem sounds like it’s taken a beating, and you are allowed to step back and lick your wounds a bit. You have them, and they need to be tended to.
But, I hope you keep at your pole dancing afterward. Those people aren’t invested in your journey, they aren’t understanding your work, passion, or happiness. But, you do! And that’s why you should keep at it. -
A really good thing I like to work on, when I can dance, is combos. Just like when people are learning to play Jazz, they learn sequences of sounds, pick ones they like, and then when it comes to freestyle, they can draw from them. It gives a really good basis of understanding, a nice place to come from, and a way to accurately understand what kind of mood or feeling you want to put into the song.
Such with dancing, too. If you have a lot of combos to draw on, then you really only have to pick a few, and work within them. If you have some that you really like, you can always work on slowing them down, or speeding up in other parts. You can string them together, or change up the order of things once in a while. It gives you a place to start. -
Technically speaking, after doing some research, she doesn’t actually just twerk and make money. It was simply that they wanted to focus on just that aspect for this video.
But, she mostly promotes products, because her vast fanbase is very useful to people who make products. She created that fanbase doing things that were mostly comedy. She doesn’t have much for twerking on her Vine, though there is some (she IS very good at it, too!)
So… don’t always believe what they say on the internet!
That said, I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with someone dancing, in any way they please, and making money. I see nothing wrong with this sort of dance at all! I always am impressed by people’s skills at this sort of isolation… especially as I can never seem to get the hang of it! -
Sure! Lots of armpit holds leave the deodorant on pole. But, I find it’s not too hard to clean off- just a dry cloth, or maybe some windex 😉
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I totally understand your frustration with the doctor- especially if you don’t live somewhere with free medical, it can be really upsetting for them to take up your time pushing stupid things, instead of you actually getting help.
Have you had your thyroid checked? Just a thought, and I’m not sure if it’s a standard check.
Otherwise… I’m not sure! You may be dealing with a sort of aftershock of your previous experiences, where you are normal for a bit, and then you struggle, but in a less severe way.
At the very least, I am happy to hear that you still eat during these times!Also, I would honestly suggest not faking or fighting it. Like, eat food, yes. You need to take care of yourself, and even creating a routine so that you just know “Oh, it’s 1pm, time for lunch” and it’s not so much of a struggle to stop doing what you’re doing, because you’ll be prepared for it. But, when it comes to emotions… fighting them, in my experience, is just so much worse, and they still don’t obey.
You don’t need to put on the nice face, you don’t need to finish it all in one go. Pick at it if you need to, and if someone gets you a gift because they’re being nice, tell them that you appreciate the gesture. I’m positive that you would do; those closest to you will understand the cycles you go through, and that you might save the gift, or just fight through, and not expect you to put a face on for them. Those who aren’t as close, you can always make some kind of racing driver’s excuses. Tell them you’re on your period and can’t have whatever right now for fear of a breakout. They don’t need to know it’s not actually that, and it saves you from their guilt trips. Sometimes a little white lie is better than getting into it. You have to pick your battles, and choose where your energy goes. You aren’t hurting anyone that way.
But try not to fight it too much. You’re allowed to have your emotions, or your apathy. -
Hey Serzi!
I seem to recall that you had mentioned you had previous history with eating disorders, and I’m wondering if this is just sort of a slow and frustrating throwback to that. (If I am correct- if not, ignore that line!)
During the time when you have an appetite, do you ever enjoy the food you are eating? Do you think “Wow, that smells good!” and then eat it, with joy and appreciation? Is there still some guilt about enjoying food at all, or perhaps some other bad feelings?
My own relationship with food isn’t perfect, and generally, I eat the same things, over and over and over again. I eat to keep my body going, and if I didn’t need to eat at all, I would probably only ever eat dessert on occasion! However, the things I do eat, I can enjoy in the moment, and I have found I have a very picky palate. I prefer food to be simple, both in flavour and texture. VERY picky!
Recovering from an eating disorder can take a lot longer than we think. Sometimes, recovery also means creating a GOOD relationship with food, rather than a neutral one.Otherwise, perhaps a doctor would have more insight. It may not be a nutritional deficiency, but it may be something else. I know that when I am stressed, or upset, I tend not to crave food at all. Nothing will entice me. I care for nothing, and only eat because I know I have to (and even then, it’s so minimal). Emotions play into food a lot these days, so it can be frustrating!
Keep going, Serzi! You’ll figure it out 🙂
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That was lovely! Great transitions, excellent tricks, and lots of confidence. I really liked the camera angle and distance, because you could see a lot more of what she was doing, how she was holding. It helped me appreciate it a bit more!
Wouldn’t have known she was a porn star if you hadn’t mentioned it… and, honestly, I don’t understand why people would put her down for it. To do something like that takes strength- both the porn, and the dancing! -
Mechie, the position of her top hand after she transitions into Reverse grab spin, how the thumb is pointed upward and twists around like that, is referred to as twisted grip.
It can be a very dangerous grip to use, and can result in things like torn ligaments and tendons, and a very angry shoulder. It’s usually used by people who have some very strong shoulder and back muscles, but isn’t recommended to do very often, or practiced very much, because of the strain it can put on your joints. -
Hey there!
It can be really frustrating to come up against your own challenges, head on and face-to-face, and feel like you aren’t up to the challenge. It can feel like a defeat, and further from that, many people start to tell themselves that they are failures, that they aren’t good enough. That they might as well give up. I hear a lot of this in your post.
So, my suggestion would be to take a step back and get some distance in your head about the issue. You are obviously feeling emotionally charged (not necessarily a bad thing) and passionate, but I also think you are defeating yourself before you even get there! Let yourself look at it from a different angle.
First off, you start out telling US that you’re not very good at the gymnastic end of pole; how many times have you said that to yourself? How many times have you judged yourself against others, and decided you came up short? How many times have you looked at one of those moves and decided you just aren’t good enough to even ATTEMPT it, even in it’s most basic form?
Next, well, I think you need a little perspective from those of us down here at the beginner level. I can’t really do an advanced plank without shaking. I can’t do a CAR, or a basic invert. Anything past that is well beyond me. And, while I would LOVE to be able to practice, practice, practice until my arms fell off… I’m dealing with a chronically injured shoulder and am BANNED from any kind of heavy lifting, including trying to pole dance. I’m not going to get any better at all, for a long time. And I’ve been this way, for a long time. So, if you can shoulder mount at all, then you are amazing to me. You are superwoman to me. You have achieved the impossible.
Finally, I think you are judging yourself against others, but only in a bad way. My suggestion is not to judge or compare at all: You are all on a different journey, and you have absolutely no idea how hard those other ladies might be working to do what they can on the pole, or what kinds of things they say to themselves. You have no idea what they think when they see you doing what you do best, and judging themselves against you! Which means that our journeys are unique and individual, incomparable. Judgement only means that we put ourselves down.
What you’re not saying is what you are good at. You probably don’t say it to yourself, because rarely do people do that at all. We’re told it’s bad, to be proud of yourself, because others might think it’s vain. But, who else is going to celebrate you, if you don’t? Wave your flag, girl. Even if that flag is completely grounded, wave the hell out of it. If that flag is the most graceful Gemini you ever did see, wave it till everyone knows about it. And look for other things you do well. Is it your beautiful feet? Your bendy back? Your transitions, or maybe a special move you love? Are you particularly good at spins?
Do you know?Get out there and celebrate what you are GOOD at. And, when you come across something you’re not good at, but want to be, work on it, slowly and in your own way. Learn about it. Find out what’s blocking you, be it fear, an injury, or something else. It’s a chance to go deeper, to trust more, to love yourself. It’s a chance to learn about you, and why you come to this challenge so often.
So keep going!
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The 2 weeks you should likely not pole, because you are still healing. So, no rubbing, scrubbing, poking, touching, scratching, itching, or picking.
Like, most people say you shouldn’t even rub it in the shower. If you do, you had best do it in the gentlest way that is humanly possible. I literally took a bunch of bubbles and just put them on my arm, without touching the actual skin. I then washed it off with the water that bounced off my body from the actual shower, because the shower water directly applied hurt like hell.
And then, yes, once all the healing business is done and it’s not shedding anymore, you can put on an arm band to cover it 🙂 -
I would suggest waiting until all the skin has stopped shedding, and also after it’s no longer sore. At that time, you would probably be safe to put something over it so the pole doesn’t rub or pull on it, and then after a while, you’ll feel comfortable with it again, and it’ll not be a problem.
I have a tattoo in the same area, and will be getting my next one in a few weeks! -
@ MrsSass
I actually run, have been doing for nearly 2 years now, and it’s been fantastic for me (I had knee problems previously, was in chronic pain for half my life… and now my knees work, and I’m no longer in pain!), and has shown me a LOT of what I can do with my body, and how it works.
Unfortunately I’ve recently had a lot of shoulder and right arm issues, which have prevented me from poling the way I want to, as frequently as I want to.
I still do yoga, despite the issues, and have found it to be quite enlightening, too. I never used to trust my body, I would never have looked at the Downward Facing Dog and thought “I could do that.” In fact, I didn’t think I could do most of yoga! But, I was curious, and since running has boosted my self-esteem and helped me realize that I can do more than I think, so I decided to give it a go and really find out what I can do.
And wouldn’t you know it? I can do 3 Legged Dog, I can do a full side plank, I am seeing more flexibility in my hamstrings (poor things!) and other places. I’ve learned my body is capable of so much more than I thought! And I’m starting to see a bit more definition in the shoulders, arms, and core.I don’t consider “Weight” (as in, what the scale tells you) to be an indicator of health, nor do I find that BMI is in any way scientifically based. BMI has done nothing but tell me how “overweight” I am, even at my lightest, my healthiest (which is NOT my lightest, but in fact, my “heaviest”), and my happiest.
I always like to think about what my body is capable of!
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Hey there!
It can be really, really hard to hear everyone around you talk about this stuff, and not do it yourself. It’s a common problem, as we are social creatures, and we’re pretty smart, so not only do we mimic physical behaviours in order to fit in with the others around us, but also mental and emotional behaviours. It helps us all “fit together” so that we can get along.
However, since we’re not all in the wild and living in a tribal way anymore, we don’t necessarily have to participate in those behaviours- we can even go away and find other people who are more like the way we want to be, and fit with our own values. It’s scary, but it’s definitely beneficial.Dealing with your own negative self-talk is tough all on it’s own, and it’s hard to look at ourselves and think we are beautiful all the way through, and not judge or nitpick our bodies. It’s sort of built into a lot of our media, including television and those magazines you see at the side of cash registers. We hear it talked about by other people, and there are a lot of things twisted up in this problem (things like being told we need to be attractive for men, or that we are less valuable if we aren’t attractive, and even that our physical size is an indicator of how much we love and take care of ourselves, despite it being absolutely nothing to do with that).
When it comes to other people’s self-talk, though, that’s a whole different thing. I think about it this way: Ten percent of what we think is actually what comes out of our mouths. So, if you hear things like “I wish I could do this move, but my thighs are too big,” you’re only hearing 10% of what that person puts themselves through about those supposedly big thighs.
How are you supposed to compete with that kind of constant horrible inner influence?You’re not.
The way you talk to yourself can also change your filter. When someone says “Size 16/18 is disgusting” they are not saying that YOU are disgusting, they are stating their opinion, based on some kind of ridiculous generalization they’ve made about what that size looks like.
It’s like people around me saying “Oh, I used to be 200lbs but it was so horrible.” They aren’t saying *I* am horrible, they are saying that their account of being that weight was horrible, or that they expect ALL people to look and feel the way they did when they weigh 200lbs.
And it’s somewhat funny when I confront people about it. Now and then I’ll have to give my weight (for example, when I renewed my Driver’s licence), or I’ll be discussing it and wanting to make a point. I either ask them for their opinion (Usually somewhere between 130 and 160 pounds) or I’ll simply give it, and I get the old “Up and down” look, and they say, “What, really?”Yes, really. I weigh that much, I’m the fittest I’ve ever been, and I still wear a size 12. Probably gonna go up, too, because those pants can’t handle the incredible muscle I’ve made in my thighs and rear. I no longer wear knee-high socks, because they also can’t handle my muscles.
So, generally, don’t try to change someone else’s self-talk, because that’s a losing battle and will take far, far more effort than you can afford.
Change your own self-talk, and with it, your perspective of what people are actually saying. You can translate their words. Instead of “Omg that’s huge,” translate that into “I think of people that size in a sweeping generalization based on what society and the media tells me, as well as my own body type, and I’m going to agree with the person speaking so that we can all get along and validate the work and suffering we think we all have to go through in order to be considered attractive to society’s fucked up beliefs around beauty, even though men don’t actually subscribe to it, and I’m actually getting my information from biased sources.”
It’s easier than writing it all out, and it gets easier with practice.