[Wrecklice]

We don’t see the world, we see ourselves.
Perspective is entirely subjective.
The window through which we view is but a mirror.
Nobody ever got better by pointing out that someone else was worse.

Running out of proverbs but I hope you get the idea. While it is awful that you became her outlet, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with how small of a person she feels she is. Your videos affect her literally not at all. She is interpreting them and you as some sort of threat, and truthfully that is just pitiful. My heart aches for people so hurt, but it doesn’t excuse their behaviour.

So is he has projected those inadequacies onto you, and now it becomes your problem to deal with her insecurity, and it sounds like it has dredged up some of your own as well. I’m truly sorry that this happened to you, but I am glad you’re talking about it. And hopefully not letting it get to you too much! Bullies are sad people, but all we can do is have confidence in ourselves and neglect from feeding the trolls. Hopefully she will get some much-needed therapy, and in the meantime, you get back to your pole! 🙂

[Wrecklice]

I’ve been using the American Apparel cotton hot shorts since I got them on sale earlier this year. Teeny 🙂

[Wrecklice]

Oh and sort but one more thing to add!

Don’t compete with these other women…strippers, porn actresses etc for his affection! You’re his wife for crying out loud! Don’t disrespect yourself by thinking you have to be like them to get his attention!

Now if you have a healthy relationship and want to share some intimate things, that’s something else altogether. But it has to come from a place of SECURITY….not insecurity or fear of losing this bozo, which is where it seems to be rooted. Don’t reward him for being a jerk to you! 🙁

Again, best of luck!

[Wrecklice]

There have been some excellent suggestions made here so I won’t repeat the same advice.

One important thing to remember with any relationship however, is that the more one person gives, the less the other person has to. The other person may or may not take advantage of that, but the option becomes available.

The giver is then considered “codependent” and continues to give more with the hope that eventually their partner will realize how much they love them, and how much effort they’re putting in….that the tiny, random nuggets of assurance they receive from their partner become the normal. It is a form of psychological manipulation, whether done consciously or not.

It is very rare that the other partner wakes up and realizes how they have been taking the codependent partner for granted, sadly. But the best advice I could give beyond going into therapy (I think it is a given at this point, if not for both of you, then at least for you to find the root cause of your codependency), is to pull back and not be so willing to put him on a pedestal. Who is this exalted man that he deserves your utmost complacency, anyway?

He is just flesh and blood, imperfect like the rest of us. He may be your husband, and love him as such, but he is not being a very good partner to you right now, so why should you have to hold up the whole relationship on your own shoulders while he behaves like a little brat? He can help his urges, believe me. He needs to sort his problems out independent from your relationship, and you cannot force him to do that. All you can do is insist he treat you with respect, or leave you be until he can.

You can’t control him, you can only control you.

Best of luck.

[Wrecklice]

So many amazing suggestions! And yes, it’s so crazy what impresses people!

[Wrecklice]

So many amazing suggestions 😀 Thank you so much!!

[Wrecklice]

Thanks for the suggestion and the ‘grats, dustbunny!

It’s not so much that I’m having too much trouble putting moves together, I was moreso wondering whether any more experienced performers out there have a shortlist of crowd-pleasers, since what impresses us isn’t quite the same as what impresses a crowd of people with no background knowledge on poling 🙂

[Wrecklice]

I am INFP as well…would be really interested in checking out that book. I was convinced that I had Aspie or some other mild form of autism for the longest time :/
I’ve had to flex though for an early career in modelling – clients and agents want a vibrant “yes” girl. I try to force myself to be somewhat social….I was a Resident Assistant at university when I attended, and my nature made me seem more authoritative than the other RAs…the residents came to me with their more serious and confidential problems, which was nice to be seen in such high regard and trusted.

ANYWAY nowadays I am teaching pole at my studio once a week, and finding it awkward for me but fun. I’m only a few months in, so I’m hoping it gets easier.

[Wrecklice]

As someone who works in a construction project management office (so mostly older, married men), I hear a lot of comments about pole and likening it to stripping. I tend to laugh it off and answer back something to the effect of being able to bench press anyone in the office because of it (obviously exaggerated) and everyone has a laugh and goes about their business. Usually this stuff comes up during our daily morning stretching session, when we’re all together in a group, and right then I have an opportunity to say “Oh yeah? Can you stretch like this? If you did pole too, you could!” The stigma is still there but I’m not ashamed because they happen to be misinformed. I just see it as my chance to get the good word out and have a laugh with a bunch of domesticated dudes who are way behind the times.

My office also has a fitness program, which even pays for my classes, so that’s just awesome. The girls at Corporate who take care of the paperwork for that stuff are always really curious about how my classes are going.

I’m not going off and burning my bras exactly, but sexism is totally just a way to control a woman’s sexuality – regardless of whether it’s coming from a man OR a woman (though there are huge differences in the “why” for either sex)…because frankly, a lot of people are terrified of empowered women. When we’re level-headed and confident, we get things done. I know that it’s easier said than done, but a lot of us are fortunate enough to live in a world where we can, for the most part, refuse to be controlled in that manner. Obviously things are more complicated when it affects your professional life, but I find that a lot of the snarky comments and ignorant bullying is fear-motivated and can be brushed off or directly confronted in an empathetic way. At least for me, when I realized just how much negative behaviour is actually caused by fear, it allowed me to become a lot more empathetic in how I deal with the people sourcing the negativity.

But anyway, just my two cents. I hope it all works out for you… 🙂