SpyralBound
Forum Replies Created
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Can I ask why you feel compelled to be a Pole Ambassador if it stresses you out so much? Why do you feel like it's your job to educate people?
Not everybody understands, because pole (as we know it) is still kind of underground. And even if you do exhaust yourself explaining it, there will still be people who don't understand, or who could have all the information in front of them and still have a biased view.
If they say "Oh I've heard that's a great workout," why correct them on that? It IS a great workout! And if that's the lens they want to see it through, that's still worlds better than "Ew." If they say "Oh my SIL had a pole party once," that's great! No problem there. People are exposed to pole in different ways. They're not trying to say "I know all about that," they're just finding a way to relate to it.
Put the shoe on the other foot and imagine that you're talking to a stranger or casual acquaintance (or maybe in your case, a client), and they mention that they're into something that you don't really know a whole ton about… let's say they're really into scuba diving. And you're like "Oh cool, I've heard that's really fun! My sister-in-law went scuba diving on her honeymoon. And of course I've always been curious about snorkeling." And then that person goes into a speech telling you all the things you DON'T know about scuba diving and how snorkeling is not at all the same, they are not a snorkeler, they're a DIVER. And then they tell you about all these amazing dives they've been on in places you've never heard of, and start talking about equipment and safety and technicalities you know nothing about. Every time you try to re-enter the conversation with a comment or observation, they push back with MORE to tell you how uninformed you are. Maybe they even pull up their phone and start showing you images or videos from their dives. And imagine they get frustrated that you're just nodding and smiling and not as INTO it as they are.
But you didn't sign up for a lecture on scuba diving. You were just making small talk, trying to find a way to relate to this person, being friendly. How did their speech just make you feel? Bored? Embarrassed? Irritated? And what do you think of that person now? They're obsessed, pushy, boring, only know how to talk about one thing? And are you any more or less interested in scuba diving now than you were before they started talking?
I'm not trying to be critical, I do understand why you're frustrated by a feeling that you can't share your passion, I'm just encouraging you to look at it from the other side before writing people off as judgmental or ignorant. Sure, it would be grand if everyone were as excited about pole as about Monday Night Football or Dancing with the Stars or the new Batman movie or whatever, but just like I'm allowed to not give a crap about DWTS and not want to know more about it, people are allowed to not give a crap about pole beyond what they already know, even if that knowledge is shallow and incomplete.
Now, if they do start going into the stereotypes or being all judgey, it's your choice whether you want to drop some knowledge on them. "I'm not a stripper, I'm an athlete. I don't dance at clubs or for tips. The competitions I'm entering aren't stripping competitions, they judge us on tricks and skill." I mean really, that's all the farther you need to go. If they keep asking questions, great, keep answering. Or you can just ignore them and talk about the weather instead.
Personally, I usually let the other person guide the conversation when I bring up pole. If all they have to say is "Oh that's nice," then great, move on to something else. If they have questions, I'm happy to answer. If they make assumptions, I might correct them, might not, depending on my relationship to that person and how long a conversation I want to have.
I've actually found that when I tell women about it, the response is usually either "Oh cool, I've always wanted to try that" or "I envy you, I could never do that." Most of the men I mention it to don't really ask many followup questions. They might comment like "Oh I bet your husband really likes that" or something, and depending on the person, I might tell them "Well, I've been at it for X years so the novelty has worn off, but he does love how fit and confident it's made me." Or I might just wink and nod and let them draw their own conclusions. What's so wrong with that?
I kinda liken it to how I used to be obsessed with correcting people's grammar. I'd stop them mid-sentence to fix a verb or their pronunciation of a word or using the wrong word. I'd go on angry rants online because I found a typo on a website. I'd self-righteously shake my fist and proclaim that "people just don't know how to speak/write English anymore, they're so uneducated and careless!" Over time I came to accept that grammar isn't everything, that most people can't help what kind of education they got growing up, and that they probably don't appreciate being corrected or made to feel stupid and I'm actually making myself look like an ass by insisting on there being only one correct way to communicate. So now, unless they ask me to edit something for them, I don't correct people anymore, saving myself a lot of frustration and energy. Sure, maybe I wince a little bit, I encountered a woman last week who used "her" instead of "she" (Her will be OK, her just has a little injury) and it irked me, but it's SO not my responsibility to educate her.
I say, go on living happy and secure in yourself as a rockstar, hardcore pole dancer, and let people think what they will, because they will anyway. Your energy is better spent on the pole than on lectures about pole! 🙂
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I'd agree with others, the most likely culprit is people who have no business going into business. 🙂 i.e. they think passion + vision is all they need and the rest will work itself out. Optimism is fine and all, as long as you balance it with realism.
I think one big reason the studio I go to is doing well, and has been doing well for a few years now, is that they offer a whole lot more than pole classes. Of course this makes it frustrating to me as a student sometimes because that means pole has to compete with other things on the schedule, and they keep adding more and more non-pole stuff. But I do think that's why the studio runs as well as it does, because it's not *just* relying on pole students as a source of revenue. That, and the owners clearly have their heads on straight when it comes to running the business.
I'm getting ready to go into business on my own soon too – not pole-related at all, but as a writing consultant & coach – and I tell you what, working at a small business for the last two years with a boss who is VERY transparent about how the business is running, has been hugely educational for me. I wouldn't dream of trying to launch a business without the knowledge I've gained here. I mean, there's a reason that people get master's degrees in business administration – it ain't easy to figure out as you go!
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I believe SiriusXM satellite radio's business account lets you use it for studios – at least, when I went to Cardinal Fitness a few years ago, that's what they had playing. I haven't actually confirmed this yet.
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Happy to help! I first saw it in a video here by elaine maciel? I think is her name? and thought WOW I have to try that. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif
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I do it in this video at about 1:04 if you need a demo.
https://www.studioveena.com/videos/view/51be3106-b70c-456f-a868-36530ac37250
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Think of ways you can make Figurehead itself a dynamic pose vs. a static one that you just hold. Best option is to do some movement with your arms (once you're strong enough in it that you can move your arms rather freely), like arching your back and head and reaching the free arm back overhead, or reaching towards the audience dramatically with outstretched fingers, etc.
Another thing you can do to move out of it: Fan Kick and turn into a Plank. Sorta hard to describe in words but you grab the pole like you would to invert, free your legs from the Figurehead, then do a Fan Kick just like you would from the floor. And as your body twists back towards the pole, you get your inside leg around the pole so it's now between your legs, and lean back into a plank (then Advanced Plank, CAR, whatevs). Takes some practice but looks really nice, especially if you can get a nice high Fan Kick in the air. It's my new favorite transition. 🙂
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stylynzy, I've been poling for about 2.5 years. It's usually not *hitting* the pole that makes me bruise (more often, I hit the floor from an awkward dismount!), it's the pulling on my skin in certain poses that make me use skin I don't normally put pressure on. Like anything that uses an inner arm, elbow or armpit grip. like Teddy, Flag and Yogini, I can't even do one of those without incurring bruises on the inside of my bicep (where, even just looking at it, I can tell the skin is more delicate and fragile). And inside leg hang (Scorpio) still bruises my inner thighs – again, fragile skin in those areas. Maybe that means I'm relying too much on skin grip/resistance vs. gripping with my muscles.
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I very much doubt I'll ever stop bruising, I am a redhead with lily-white skin and get a bruise if I sneeze too hard, LOL. Not literally, but it does take very little, especially on areas where the skin is a little thinner like my inner arms and thighs. Pretty much anything where I have to grip with my armpit or inner part of my bicep, I have huge nasty bruises there for days. Which reminds me, I'm attending a wedding in a few months and should probably avoid practicing that week so I don't show up in all the photos with massive purple and brown spots all over me….
If you're concerned about the appearance of bruises, rather than the pain (mine often don't actually *hurt* they're just ugly), Arnica gel does help, if you put it on *right* after your practice. Next day, not as useful. I have some but I never remember to use it, silly me. You can usually get it at whole-foods type stores or in the organic section of your supermarket if it has one. It, allegedly, helps the bruises heal faster and not appear so dark. Take that with a grain of salt as with all "natural" remedies, but it's inexpensive and could be worth a try.
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I think sometimes in a small community like ours, it can seem all of a sudden like everything is pushing one way, or everyone is doing one thing, all at once, and that can make people panic.
I remember feeling so left out and inadequate when it felt like EVERYONE was doing silks, or hooping, or lyra, or acroyoga, in addition to pole, and I felt like the last person left who was just a poledancer and nothing more. (Yes, I was jealous.) That feeling passed when those activities moved out of the collective spotlight.
And then see what happens when someone figures out a "new" trick. Just this year I've seen Butt Superman (or sidesaddle superman as I call it), Titanic, Icarus, Phoenix and Fonji become these really popular moves, and those are just the ones I know the name of off the top of my head. For a while it was Iron X. One person gets it right and a whole crowd will follow. And that's great! But it can also feel like OMG, Everyone's doing Titanic, should I be trying that too/I'm sad I can't do that yet/etc.
So right now pole sports are in the news and getting a lot of attention, and it feels like THAT is the direction the whole movement is going… but will we feel the same in a month? Two months? Probably not, the currents will change and we'll become distracted by some other new shiny thing. 🙂 (I say that endearingly and playfully, not mockingly.)
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I like Veena's suggestion – making a schedule of focused, planned pole workouts. So you can still get on the pole in some way every day or nearly every day, but you're not overdoing it.
My pole workout categories:
STRENGTH: More like a workout than a practice, using Veena's moves and others I've learned in pole classes, and maybe some non-pole strength training too like pushups and weights.
FLEXIBILITY: Mostly just a stretching thing, but also challenging myself to the tricks I struggle with due to flexibility (my nemesis right now is Twisted Ballerina).
DANCE: Freestyle, routine planning/daydreaming, meditative, theatrical
PRACTICE: A dedicated session to work on my current moves and learn new ones, maybe with some dance thrown in for warmup & fun.
CHALLENGE: A session devoted to completing one of the SV challenges! Or a challenge I issue myself. Like have a dance session where my sole focus is pointed toes. Or a session in heels. Etc.
JAMS: By webcam or in person! Usually less strenuous of a workout because of the social time, but a great way to use pole to unwind.
I aim for at LEAST 20 minutes for each and generally have no problem meeting that. And I also throw in other stuff, like yoga, walking/hiking and aerobics DVDs. So I'm not actually poling every day… but I could.
What I like about this setup is that it helps me get over the discouragement hump you feel when you're not poling as often as you'd like to be. Out of all those options, the dance and practice sessions generally are the most time-consuming, so I can pick and choose to do those on the days when I know I have time, and when time is crunched, do a shorter flexibility or freestyle practice just to get SOMETHING in.
Another thing is, I hate poling when I'm on my period, I feel bloaty, bitchy and unsexy and my skin is more sensitive to the pain. I got in a habit of just entirely skipping any kind of workout that week of the month, but that can really break momentum. With a "choose your own adventure" sort of plan, I can pick one of the options above that doesn't have me on the pole a whole lot (so less skin burn/pinch), doesn't have me upside down (never fun when bloated) and isn't overly strenuous when I'm fatigued and crabby. And I also don't put pressure on myself to film these sessions because frankly I just hate looking at my bloat on film later. Plus my flow is so heavy now that I usually wear a pad to catch any leaks, and pads + pole shorts = eek/potential Ick! (Sorry if that's TMI, just a reality of life!)
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"Pole is fun because of the sensuality, fun, beauty, accessibility to regular people, etc."
My counterargument to this is: "Fun" is not the main point of the Olympics. Athletic prowess and show-off-icism are. Think of a lot of the more mainstream sports in the Olympics, like basketball. Judging basketball at a higher, more rigorous level at the Olympics does not take ANYTHING away from pick-up games in local neighborhoods. Swimming can be fun, but that's not the point of swimming relays, diving or sync. The point is precision. Excellence. Being the absolute best at what you do. Earning a medal with internationally recognized value, not a pat on the head for a job well done.
And the problem with adding more artistic, interpretive "dance" to a competitive performance is that judging that is always going to be subjective. Suddenly there are all these OTHER things to judge – costume, creativity, expression, flow, for example – and those aren't strictly measurable in the way that the "perfect" Spatchcock is. It makes sense to set judgment criteria on what CAN be measured and observed with at least some degree of objectivity.
I do understand why pole dancers feel threatened by the super-strict and athletically focused rules proposed by some judging organizations. But really, ladies, RELAX. What they decide to evaluate at the Olympics or at high-level competitions does NOT have to take anything away from what you do. I'm sure Michael Phelps likes to splash around in the pool for fun when he's not training, I'm sure pro volleyballers will have a friendly scrimmage at a beach barbecue. And I don't see why gymnasts wouldn't freestyle. Performing to rigorous standards for competitions doesn't have to cost them anything or be a killjoy.
There are other venues and stages if you want to be theatrical, or sexy, or funny, or crazy, or experimental, or whatever. My feeling personally is that if you want to show off how fantastic your tricks, body and flexibility are, choose competitions. If you want to dance freely in front of an audience, choose showcases, or competitions that aren't athletically focused. We have variety. We have options.
There's MORE than enough room for both Strong and Sexy in the pole community, this is not a zero-sum game where one side wins and the other loses. They can exist side by side without devaluing each other. Be a dancer, be an athlete, be both, be neither, be whatever kind of pole person you want to be. It all has value if it means something to YOU – other people's opinions (judges or just fellow polesters) be damned.
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JungleCat you make me smile. Men are pretty simple, you get an erection and you're good to go 0-60 in a matter of seconds, but a lot more has to happen for the lady to be ready for it, and that doesn't happen in seconds. (Needless to say, this isn't universal and there are exceptions, but I've found it common enough to feel comfortable with the generalization.)
My man is good at foreplay…WHEN he puts the effort in and doesn't rush it. And he's not likely to do that if he just wants to pump and dump, but guess what, I'm not going to enjoy that if I'm not at least a little warmed up. And if both parties aren't enjoying the sex, why have sex? (Like you day this can come down to self-centeredness.)
In any case, ANY amount or type of foreplay is better than just whipping it out and asking her to hop on or go down. That kind of treatment can make a gal feel like a vending machine rather than a partner. (I'm not aiming this at anyone in particular, just sayin'.)
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I'm glad it's not as bad as I feared…
I get you on needing the warmup, I'm the same way, and my husband and I have run into this (continue to run into this… we're working on it) multiple times, because he is Always On and needs no warmup whatsoever, and always wants to rush through to the "sex" part of sex. Sure, no one likes rejection, and no one likes making their honey feel rejected, but boundaries trump pride in every case. If you're not up for it, that has to be the final answer, and he's not allowed to make you feel bad for it (like there's "something wrong" with you, to use your own words). It's probably because I've been so focused on boundary-setting in my own marriage that your situation set off my alarm bells. In my situation, the lines between "forcing" and "coercing" have been blurred a lot, so him giving you a command like that, and you feeling to blame for his rejection, triggered a lot of my own trauma. Sorry if I overstepped at any point.
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Azblanco, I get that that can be a normal thing for some couples, but if it were the case for these two, I don't think polegoddess would be here ranting about it to the point that THAT is what she made the title of the post – not "my boyfriend wanted me to dance for him" but specifically calling out what he said. The most important part of any relationship is consent – both parties have to be cool with what's going on. If a couple has consented to name-calling and it's clear both of them are on the same page, that's one thing. But a significant other who's keeping their partner from getting into bed and commanding their partner to dance for their own pleasure, that's…sketchy at best, especially when combined with the other details about his expectations for her to perform sexually (dancing or otherwise) whenever he wants her to. It's not just the one detail of a disrespectful word being used, but the whole picture she paints that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
In any case, it's not my place to say, polegoddess has to trust her own gut on this one, but it struck kinda close to home for me.
